i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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