to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
