I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my shit smells like andre
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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