Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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