last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
