My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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