How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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