Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
