I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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