and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
