I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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