If that was your dad, he is hot
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
