i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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