So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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