she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
