Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
