ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
