I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
