Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
