Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
