apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
