I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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