You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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