if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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