I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
