So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
