i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do vagina's smell?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
