Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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