Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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