i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
