dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
