you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is Oprah even human
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
