You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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