I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
