Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The air was thick with penises
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
