Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
