and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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