Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
