mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
