Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
