Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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