Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
