my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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