Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
