well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
