I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize