Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
