Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
