2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
