I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize