So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
