Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize