Just cropdusted the office
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
