you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
