I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
