we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
