I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
