I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
