the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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