Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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