Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
