...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm way too hungover for life right now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So. Much. Porn.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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