I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
