How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
