i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
