That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
