he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize