They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
