and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
