I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
