no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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