hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
