she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
