Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
