Screwed.edu
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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