so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
