Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
