Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
