You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
