I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
