Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
