Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
