i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
