So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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