I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
